In the afternoon of the day we moved to Helen House, we sat on the sofa and video-called my older brother, David, who lived in Australia, with his wife and their four month old daughter. We knew that we would be seeing them in two months time (the last time had been almost two and half years ago), when the three of them would be coming to the UK. We would have a chance to meet our niece, and they would meet not only Thomas, but also Oliver for the first time. We now knew, that there was a real chance that Thomas would die before they arrived and it was highly likely that they would therefore not have a chance to meet him.
We were surprised and delighted when David asked how we would feel about him getting a flight to the UK, so that he could be around to support us in whatever way he could. We discussed the timing of his potential visit and we unanimously agreed that we would much rather he be part of Thomas' life than to come and give us comfort in the days after he died. We did make it clear that we wouldn't be able to guarantee that Thomas would still be alive if he was to arrive as quickly as he could, and we wanted to make sure that he wouldn't feel too disappointed or feel like he had had a wasted trip if this was to be the case. At this stage, we were still very much living on a daily basis. It wasn't long before we received a message to say that his flight was booked and he would be arriving in the UK on Thursday 13th March, leaving behind his wife, Jane, caring for their baby. The love and support we felt from our family was immense.
Thursday very quickly arrived, and the excitement of seeing my brother in so long was tangible, but equally shrouded by a sickening sadness. He was only coming now because of the hideous reality that our son was dying. Why was this happening, this was not the way we had planned it to be and it was not the way any of us wanted it to be. We should all have been getting together soon in the future, for a happy occasion, a big family gathering. It was already in the diary, discussed and agreed. Even though I desperately didn't want to be seeing him now, I was so grateful that we were.
The older children were in their bedroom, when David appeared in the doorway. I was sat with Thomas on the same sofa from where we had chatted a couple of days earlier, surrounded by caring messages from our friends and family and bathed in the sunlight streaming in through the window. Although I knew he was arriving, I couldn't quite believe that he was actually here, before my eyes. I rose to my feet to welcome him and to introduce him to Thomas. I felt overcome by emotions, my feet were unsteady, my hands were shaking, I was breathless and I had almost forgotten how to speak. My mouth was dry and a lump in my throat felt enormous. I wanted to hold it together and find my voice. I didn't want this moment lost to my emotions, I wanted Thomas to be in the limelight and for David to have the meeting that we weren't sure would ever happen. I had a good ability to be able to quickly dismiss my feelings and disconnect myself from my surroundings, and that is exactly what I did.
I made the introductions and gently and carefully passed Thomas to David for his first cuddle. I knew this moment would be truly significant in Thomas' life despite it all feeling so surreal and full of such incredibly contradicting emotions.
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