The photo of Grandpa with the three children was taken just before Lucy and Oliver went to bed at home for the first time since meeting their new little brother. They had met Thomas for the first time earlier that morning, exchanging presents with him as well as kisses and cuddles. They were so excited and besotted with their new sibling, spending the day watching him, singing to him, chatting to him and cuddling him. They had enjoyed his little noises and the erratic movements he made. They had been interested in the contents of his nappies as well as the stump of umbilical cord hanging from his belly.
Thomas was about 36 hours old.
Soon after the photo was taken and the older children were snuggled in their own beds, our Cotton family tradition of whetting the baby's head took place. That evening our Indian takeaway arrived and the bottle of champagne was popped open. A toast was made to Thomas and a celebratory drink was taken. I had ordered the same curry that I had had 48 hours earlier when I had been in labour. As I bit into it I felt my mouth burning with the heat of the dish and yet I had quite happily eaten the entire thing during my labour - a phenomenom that I can only attribute to my hormone levels. As the bubbles flowed, Thomas spent time with my parents and brother, Nicholas, whilst the very jaded, thrilled, proud and exhausted new parents delighted in the presence of their new addition.
This moment of blissful ignorance was magic. I really felt so incredibly fortunate and lucky that Thomas was with us. We had three beautiful, healthy children, and a loving and supportive family, all within our own home. I was living my dream and felt that I needed to pinch myself to ensure that this was for real.
Looking back on it now inevitably brings mixed emotions. How I yearn to have it all back and to be a normal regular family again. I have cried so many tears thinking of those few days, and how we have been robbed of any more. One minute I find myself wishing that we had had an earlier warning of his illness or had someway of knowing that this dream was to be short-lived; and yet I am thankful that we didn't and that we had that time of carefree living.
This high has been worth the on-going pain and suffering. It is the one moment in time when I can say that I had it all. The moment I would give anything to have back and the moment I hold most fondly in my memories.
Comments