My lifestyle is now a far cry from what it was pre-Thomas. I would always be keen to get involved in things and more than happy to help out if I could. I would constantly be on the go, juggling as much as I could physically fit into my day and always looking for new challenges. I would pack our days with fun and interesting activities for the children as well as busying myself by volunteering. If I had a spare minute I would find something constructive to fill it, something with a tangible outcome or a specific purpose.
Since losing Thomas, I find I can no longer fill my life in the same way. I have to take things more slowly and live a much simpler life. Initially I had to stop all extra activities to give myself the head space and the time to grieve. I cut my life back to the basics, doing the bare minimum to keep the family and house ticking over. Since then, things have remained much calmer. I have slowly found a new pace with which I feel comfortable and I consciously don't allow myself to put more than that in the diary.
I have had to learn to say "no" more often to people, as I would always have replied "yes". I now have to fully understand what is being asked of me in terms of time and energy (both physical and mental), so that I can weigh up whether I am able to accommodate it, without compromising my time with the family or putting myself under too much pressure. This goes against my natural response but I have learnt that it is best for my own sanity and therefore the happiness of those around me.
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