Redefining who I am and getting to know the new "me" has to be one of my biggest challenges as I continue to grieve. Our world was shaken so badly, I lost my identity and therefore my self-confidence was swept away. I have had to find my new boundaries, limits, capacities and emotions.
I don't believe anyone can go on such a journey and not be fundamentally changed by it but not having a grip on understanding the person you once knew best is a daunting place to be. I have resigned myself to the fact that I am a different person. It is only through the support and patience of those around me, accepting who I have become and trying to find my feet again, I feel that I have made small steady steps forward, but I know I still have a long way to go.
Because of this I also grieve for the person I once was. I want to regain that control but it's just not there in my grasp. This in itself has only added to the emotions of it all.
Life experiences really do shape our individual personalities and this life experience of ours certainly is doing that as I continue to rediscover my own identity. Because of this, Thomas has become such a fundamental part of who I am and the identity of our family, I feel he has become part of us, which enables him to continue his journey with us, inside us. In many ways, this is where I feel his presence and his legacy the most.
"And, amid the most challenging moments of grief and loss, the realization sets in that you've not only lost the life you were meant to live but also who you were. And the challenge is to find who you are now supposed to be." @AfterChloe
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