I have often found myself torn between wanting to be a good friend by helping others with their problems or feelings, and overloading myself emotionally. I often find it difficult to maintain a steady level of emotion for myself as it is and so have often been unable to cope with any more stresses added on.
When I know how hard I have struggled with my feelings through difficulties, it really upsets me that someone else might also be struggling. I don't want anyone to suffer and for me to not be able to resolve the problem or make things better. To have to stand by and watch is so hard and can sometimes feel like more than I am able to manage. This is even more true when that person is someone that I care about.
And yet this is what I need to be doing to be a friend and a caring member of society, providing a shoulder or a listening ear. My pre-Thomas self was always willing and able to do this without question, able to emotionally detach myself enough, to be grounded enough and strong enough to deal with other people's problems. Now I battle my head against my heart as to how much I can or want to take.
I want and need friends to continue to offload to me or to confide in me about their problems, just don't expect a stiff upper lip from me any more.
Comments