I wanted to share my experiences and opinions about what it means to be a parent of a dead child. I am writing this in my capacity as Thomas' Mum, as I do know from experience that everyone deals with the death of their child differently; I know that Jason doesn't deal with Thomas' death the same way. I want to share with everyone the way that I have managed to adapt my mindset from being a normal mum of three, as I was at the time when Thomas died, to now being a mum of four, one of whom is dead.
I know in the past, I have always reiterated that I am a Mum of four, and always will be, in that I have been fortunate enough to have given birth to four beautiful individuals, all of whom have enriched our lives and taught us so much. But it is not only this that I consider defines us as parents. It has only been through living without one of our children present that I have been able to analyse and assess what it means to be a parent. What gives us the right to hold such a title, what does that mean for my understanding of our role and how can we compare the role of parenting a child that is present to one that is not.
Not only have I changed as a person, but I also now have a greater understanding and appreciation for parenting on a daily basis as well as parenting on those special occasions, those family get-togethers and those milestones.
When Thomas died, my unconditional love did not die, my dedication to supporting him did not die and neither did my role of parenting him. They still continue to shape my opinions and who I am, as much as those I hold for my other three children. I hope through sharing these feelings, I will be able to show a few examples of how this manifests itself and what this means to me in our lives as a bereaved family.
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