One other way that I continue to parent Thomas is when we have family days out. Over the longer holidays, these will perhaps occur every day and other times maybe only on the odd free weekend. Where we go and what we will be up to will vary, but wherever we go, I feel that in some way, Thomas will somehow be part of our day. Sometimes this will be on a practical level. For the living children, I will be ensuring they have everything they might need during the day. For Thomas, I will ensure that I carry him with me in some form. I have various items of clothing that I wore with him in my arms or pieces of jewellery that are connected to him, otherwise, it might simply be carrying a photo of him.
For some days out, our destination will be chosen by one of the children. One of the children may have specifically requested visiting a particular place or doing a particular activity. In the same way, our destinations are sometimes chosen for their connection with Thomas and they will offer us an opportunity to reconnect with him or enable him to be more "present". This may be a trip to his woodland, where we will not only visit his grave, but then continue to enjoy the surroundings of the woodland, where I can almost feel him with us. Or it may be spending time as a family at Helen House. These locations are only our family destinations as a direct result of Thomas being our son.
Sometimes, other, more subtle, ways will make Thomas part of our family days out. During the spring months, it is hard to go anywhere without being surrounded by the bright yellow daffodils. Sometimes, we may come across some other physical reminder of our third child or a memento from the day that we will buy to reflect his position in our family and therefore our role as his parents. Whatever the day may hold, we will always be there as a family with four children in our hearts and minds.
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