Mine and Jason's role as parents to create memories is also influenced by the fact that we parent all of our four children. As parents, we create opportunities for memories to form. Memories that shape our childhoods and develop the individuals our children grow to be. Memories that give the children a more enriched life and a childhood for them to look back on with fondness. Memories that give the children an understanding of who they are, where they are from and ultimately their own identity. Whilst Thomas is no longer surviving to form his own memories, he provides just as much a role in the memories of his siblings as any of the others. Whether it is the memories that Lucy may continue to hold of our lives when he was alive or whether it is the generation of new memories in all their lives of doing activities or going to certain locations in Thomas' memory.
Every single one of my four children have and continue to enrich my own life and my own memories of what a great unit our family is. I have the most amazing memories of becoming a mother four times over. Of the struggles I faced when starting to begin breastfeeding each of them. Of the sleepless haze you begin to live your new family life. Of the introductions to family and friends of the new addition. Of the pleasure of taking each of them to the park for the first time. Of the joy the siblings have in spending time together. And of the indescribable love I hold for each of them.
Since Thomas died, I often find myself questioning whether I am capable of giving them the childhood memories that the surviving children are truly worthy of. I often feel that the memories that they are getting are not enough and that they are deserving of more. But I cannot doubt that the memories that Thomas has left them in his legacy will be enshrined in whoever they become as they grow into young adults, within our family of six.
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