Acceptance

For the final thought about grief, and arguably the most important one I want to shout about, is acceptance. Acceptance not just by the griever of their own heartache, and all that that entails, but by the support network of friends and family surrounding them. Acceptance of their grief, is an awkward and difficult thing to do, but it is so important to how that person can feel towards their situation and the journey they are taking. To ride this difficult journey with the right support, will make all the difference to the griever in how they are coping and validating the mixed jumble of emotions they are experiencing.

If you really want to help a grieving friend, then let them be sad. When pain exists, let it exist. You can't cheer someone up by telling them to look on the bright side or by giving them advice. The best thing you can do is to feel awkward and stay there with them anyway. Just hang right out with their pain. Make it safe for them to tell you they are hurting, without rushing in to try to make it better. Give them that space to suffer, share that suffering and find comfort in each other. True comfort in grief is in acknowledging the pain, not trying to make it go away.

Witnessing pain in those we love is difficult. Yet, this is what we want the most. Tolerate your own helplessness in the face of our pain, without trying to relieve that helplessness by offering platitudes or false comfort. Show up. Be present. Acknowledge the truth: that this hurts. It is through this acceptance, that the griever can start to accept their own emotions and validate the way that they are feeling.

"People say you don't know what you've got until it's gone...truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought you'd never lose it." The Good Grief Trust