One thing that I do enjoy as a parent of more than one child, is having time with each of them on their own. Time that is dedicated to one or other of them, whether this be time spent on a girlie shopping day with Lucy, playing a competitive board game with Oliver or singing nursery rhymes with Samuel. I don't get the opportunities to do this as frequently as I would like with any of them, but it gives me time to watch them grow, learn about their unique and developing personalities and a chance to connect with them on a personal level. I really treasure this time that I have with them and I hope that they will reflect back on their childhood with memories of these moments.
I find that whilst Thomas is no longer here to enjoy those moments with me, I equally find time to spend "with" him on a one to one basis. A time when I am focussed on him, my relationship with him and how I have grown as a result of being his mum. I have been able to watch my relationship with him change over time, in the same way it has with the other children, and I am able to reconnect with him on an emotional level.
This time can come in various forms, whether it is time spent with a counsellor, time spent being mindful of him, time spent preparing or delivering a session about our journey to professionals or time spent typing his story to share with friends and family. During this time, he is the centre of my attention. My feelings towards him dominate my thoughts and my love for him gushes. My knowledge and understanding grow. I enjoy spending this time with him and will always find time to do so, in the same way as I do with the others.
This one to one time developing my relationship with each child exists because I am their mum. The similarities in the value of this time with them are clear, regardless of whether or not the child is present. Another reason I continue to be a mum of four.
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