Some of the less known side-effects of grief can make life even more tricky and difficult to navigate. Not only are you trying to adjust to a new and unwanted life, but, in addition, things that you once did without thinking about, suddenly become impossible, require more concentration and effort (when you are already trying to fight against feelings of exhaustion and apathy), and are often unexpected. Short-term memory loss is very common, and yet often not discussed. Whether it is forgetting that you had arranged to meet a friend, or what day it is, or where you parked your car; all the little tasks and details in life are extra "expenses", that your mind is unable to afford.
Life feels like it moves forward in slow motion, weighed down, requiring more energy, and taking more time than it did before. Grief is exhausting and can be relentless. It is normal to feel fatigue and overwhelming tiredness.
I also found that I really disliked pleasantries and small talk. The chatter in the park or at the school gate felt meaningless and irritating. Being asked "How are you?", when you know they aren't really asking or want to know the answer, undermined the purpose of the conversation and the value of it became worthless. And how do you answer the question "Did you have a good weekend?", when you have spent every waking moment of it in shock or distress? Be sincere with questions you ask, only asking if you are ready to fully listen to the answer, whatever that may be, and understanding in response. Yesterday, the weekend, or the Christmas holidays, may really have been "that" bad.
Understanding these side-effects, gives family and friends the tools to be able to offer support and builds depth in the strength of the relationship. I chose this quote today to bring confidence to that support network to ask questions and to not be afraid to mention the name of the person who has died.
"If you know someone who has lost a very important person in their life and you're afraid to mention them because you think you may make them sad by reminding them that they died, you're not reminding them. They didn't forget that they had died. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great, great gift." Elizabeth Edwards
Comments